A House Vs. A Home

They're working on the inside of the house across the street.

They have memories of it from growing up in it, bringing their children and grandchildren to it, but now their visits are only bitter-sweet.

The sweet man who watched the street from his seat on the front porch joined his wife in the throne room of heaven this summer. His cane would rest on his lap as he noticed the comings and goings of all the neighbors.

We met him not long after we moved in. When we chatted he spoke fondly of his youth growing up near the Mississippi River, he chatted about his years working toward retirement at Trane and he would grow a little misty-eyed remembering his wife.

He didn't share too much about his faith, but it was strong. No longer driving himself, he always had rides arranged to get him to and from his church both on Sundays and Wednesdays. He noticed the summer that college students' cars lined the road between our house and his. He let me know he thought it was "pretty great" that those kids were coming over for Bible study.

His meals were brought by the Swan's truck and every delivery he got, he ordered a box of ice cream bars for my girls. Honestly, he bought them faster than we could eat them. He's been gone now over a month and there are still at least 3 boxes in our freezer. I never could find the words to ask him to stop because I knew he delighted in the few minutes our daughters spent with him as he would shuffle to his freezer for their sweet treat. I learned at his visitation that we weren't the only ones he bestowed this honor of receiving his generosity in this way. He couldn't drive, but he still found ways to give.

Now, when I open the freezer and notice the boxes, I cannot help but smile.

I still look for him sitting there on the porch as I make my daily jaunt to the mailbox at the end of my drive. I miss him waving at me and the girls as he watched us come and go from school to lessons to church to home to wherever else we may have been headed. I liked the fact that he was always there. He would just call periodically to check on us.

Soon, I am sure a relator will stake a sign in the yard. In our housing market, I know it won't be long until someone else calls his house home. I pray for good neighbors. I pray that if the new owners don't know the Lord, that the Lord would use us to help them become acquainted with Him.

But, as far as I am concerned, that house will always be Mr. McNantz's. I rejoice that he is no longer lonely and has been reunited with his bride. His physical pain has ended. His faith has been made sight.

When my mind wonders to thoughts of this dear man, I take courage knowing that - the house across the street may be empty for now, but I know our neighbor is most-definitely home.

The house, neighborhood, city, state and country I proudly claim and call "home" really isn't either. My home is where Mr. McNantz is now. His empty house is also a good reminder to me of the temporary status of my citizenship of this world and that the promises of what is to come is real.

Who knew that I could gain insight from the empty house across the street? Thank you God for the sweet lessons and gentle reminders in the smallest of things. . .

My Present Tense

Conjugating Verbs

I have not done intentional conjugating of any verbs since my collegiate Spanish classes.

Probably only my English grammar friends would even know what I am talking about.

It is one of those skills we are taught in elementary school. Most likely, we wondered why our teachers would waste our time on worksheets where we would have to write out what we did yesterday, what we are doing today and what we would do tomorrow. Yet, we can now thank those teachers for making sure we sound like well-educated and well-rounded individuals.

Verb Tenses.

We use them all the time to convey meaning and communicate motives.

Yesterday, I drank coffee.
Today, I drink coffee.
Tomorrow, I will drink coffee.

But we don't often stop and think about how those tenses infiltrate our spiritual life.

Think about it this way -

Yesterday, I was saved from my sin.
Today, I am being saved from my sin.
Tomorrow, I will be saved from my sin.

All of these sentences are true. All of them are Biblically supported. All of them can be pretty confusing.

People who study the Bible and like to use big words have terms for each of these spiritual verb tenses:

• Justification - I have been "justified" and saved from my sins through the death of Christ. Once for all. Done. Past Tense.
• Sanctification - I am being "sanctified" and am being saved from my sins through the work of the Holy Spirit. I am currently in the process of being made like Christ. Taking off the old sinful self and learning to put on the new. In Process. Happening Now. Present Tense.
• Glorification - I will be "glorified" and will no longer have to fight sin. Christ will return, completing the work He began in me and establishing His rule over this sinful world once and for all. Perfection will be achieved. My hope is not in vain. It will be finished. Will Happen. Future Tense.

The three terms are intricately combined and dependent on each other, all a part of the salvation process of the believer and all a part of who I am as a Christ-follower.

As a kid, I was justified. I was saved from the penalty of my sin. I acknowledged that I could not save myself through religious rites or spiritual acts. Jesus died in my place, for my sins, fulfilling the debt I owed my Creator, the Righteous God of the universe.

It was then, when I was justified, that my current, present journey of being sanctified began. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I began seeking to make Jesus the Lord of my life. I still sin. I still live with the consequences of my sin and the sins of others. This world I live in is still under the curse of sin - with all the diseases and disasters that fill the news headlines each and every day. Some days are easier than others. Some days are downright hard. Yet through His word, I know that each day is a gift with new mercies He has provided to go with it. I am learning His ways. I am experiencing His presence. I am expecting His promises.

Ah! His promises - that is the future I hold to, the one I know to be true. That He will complete the work He began in me and that He has gone to prepare a place for me, are only two of the many promises that I cling to on my darkest days. The future will indeed be glorious! As the promised perfection is eventually realized, glorification will be complete.

I am happy to talk about my past and explain how I was saved, when I was justified. And I can get easily excited to talk about my future, when my faith will truly become sight and I will see my Jesus face-to-Face.  But it is this present tense, this current process of sanctification that I find myself  is what I wish to blog about.

This "Present Tense" of my salvation is what I am writing - how the Spirit is working in me as I am working out my salvation, my struggle with sin and my desire to be like Jesus.

I firmly believe that God has placed me where He has, surrounding me with specific relationships in various circumstances in order to actively, intentionally, mold me into the person He would have me to be - for my good, but ultimately His glory.

This is the place where I am processing this "process." I know me and I know I best comprehend what God is teaching me when I can take the time to think through what He is doing in me by putting it  into words, sentences and paragraphs someone else can understand. This is a forum for me to be intentional in my sanctification process - to write out "The Present Tense."

If you're not a believer in Christ and you read this blog, I pray that you might be able to recognize the honesty and transparency in which I hope to write. I also pray that in that "real" you will see my dependence on Christ and His Word. Ultimately, it IS my understanding that my "Present Tense" is NOT about me but obviously, always all about Him.

If you're a believer and you read this blog, my prayer is that you would find encouragement by seeing how our present tenses have some similarities. God has given us a community to support one another. I believe it is built and strengthened through being real with each other. Prayerfully, you would find some of that here.

If you've read this far, leave me a comment. Let me know if my "grammar-lesson-meets-Biblical-truth" makes any sense . . .

Why I Am Starting This Blog.

"Why don't you start your own blog?" Wally asked me form across the kitchen.

We were prepping dinner. I had checked my email while double checking the recipe on Pinterest and found the email. It was sent to each of the 5 contributors of a blog that I had been posting on for about the last 10 years. The email told us that we were to stop posting and that, in time, the organizers wanted to revamp and relaunch the site to support pastors' wives.

It seemed simple to my husband. Just begin my own.

Honestly, it was something that I had prayed earnestly about a year or so ago. I had sought the counsel of trusted friends and confided the dangerous temptation I knew I would face. The idea of followers, "likers" and commenters can be very enticing fuel for my pride and super-sensitive ego.

Over a year ago, I had also shared with my friends and husband that I had felt that if I were to start a blog, I would need to know my audience, who I was writing to. With the other blog I had been a part of, our audience was clear. We were writing to support women married to ministry guys.

At that time, last year-ish, the answer God seemed to give me was "wait." It wasn't the right timing to start my own blog. My motivation wasn't in the right place. My purpose in writing wasn't clear. God wasn't seeming to say, "no," just "not right now."

In the time that has passed, I have grown and changed spiritually. I am thankfully not the same person  I was a year ago. My "present tense" is not where I was then. My children are a year older. Things are better organized at work. I have said "no, thank you" to one ministry opportunity. And God has answered my prayers to use the gifts He has given me in unexpected but very fulfilling ways.

Then, I had read Jennie Allen's "Restless" and was itching to "do" for God things I had felt He had made me to do. Yet, the doing then was a call to "wait." In the meantime, I continued to read His Word and pray, trying to take each day and be obedient to God within it. Holding my hands open so He could take and tweak what I already had for His purposes AND so I could receive what He wanted to give me.

Now, with the ending of the other blog, with that chapter closing - the timing seems right...

• From friends who did not know about the other blog ending and my recent prayers I have had encouragement to keep writing. 

• God has been giving me topics for posts I had been saving for the other forum, but as I look over my running list, I realize that they are not topics exclusive for ministers' wives. (Truth be told, if you've read my other posts on the old blog, VERY few of those postings would have been exclusive for its target audience.) 

• This week it seems the Holy Spirit has nudged me into accepting that my fear of falling into the sins my blogging could lead to, is not a reason for me to be disobedient to what God may be calling me to do. 

So.......

Who would I write for now? What would by purpose in writing a blog be? Why would I write and post it publicly? (These are all questions my college professors would expect me to be able to answer before I begin to write.)

First, I feel I am being obedient to what God has called me for today. Even as I type this morning, I had the time in the middle of a busy week to sit at my dining room table and peck out these thoughts. Our lives are busy. I didn't realize I would have this window. I do realize that these moments are a God-given gift.

Writing this way helps me to process what God is teaching me. I am far from a prefect Christian. The longer I walk with Christ, the more aware I am of the far distances I have yet to go. Organizing my thoughts and sharing the insights God has given me into His Word, is all a part of my personal spiritual growth. I want more than anything for this place to be one of transparency for me so that whoever may be reading these words would find me relatable and real. I do not have "it" altogether - no matter what "it" might be. I have spent quite a bit of time and prayer seeking forgiveness just this morning from a friend that I had wronged.

I am definitely not an authority on parenting, marriage, managing a preschool, teaching Sunday school classes - but I am actively trying to be intentional to seek God and apply His truth to my life. My circumstances and situations will change. Yet, my prayer is that this will always be my "present tense."

With the idea, that I might encourage or find community for others in a similar "present tense," I am starting this blog. My audience? Maybe I can't clearly define that right now. But I really believe that God will draw those He wills to read it.

If no one reads it? - I am okay with that too as I see myself as my own audience. I am not writing this "for" anyone specific, other than "for" myself as I figure out my "present tense." I am starting this blog because I understand it what God is leading me to do.

If you have read this and would like me to consider you as a part of the "audience," please use the comments to introduce yourself to me and anyone else whom God might bring to follow this blog.