Mindfully Eating

Gluten-free, Dairy-free, Nut-free . . . Low fat, fat free . . . Protein, Carbs, Antioxidants . . .

Lately, as I am mindfully, intentionally trying to make "a million little decisions," (see my last post) I find myself reading more and more nutritional labels on just about everything. I even find myself paying attention to the calorie count on menus in restaurants.

The idea of "going on a diet" has never been appealing to me. I mean, does it really appeal to anyone?! If you tell me I can't eat something, that something becomes the only thing I want. Besides, diets just don't seem practical for long-term, real-life living.

So, for me, I am trying to approach my food decisions with the idea of moderation. Sodas and sweets but smaller portions and only so much. Bread and pasta but less of it. Small protein-packed snacks often because my husband and daughters can tell you I am not at all pretty or the least bit kind when I am "hangry."

Saturday, for example, I knew my husband and I would have a date night. Dinner would be out and without kids. I decided to eat a smarter breakfast and then a salad for lunch. At dinner I didn't think twice when we ordered cheesy naan with our Indian food entrees.

Food - what I eat, how and when I eat it - has now consistently become something that requires much more thought and planning and consideration. I would even say that this kind of intentionality has become habitual.

I was contemplating this new "hobby" of mine when I came across this quote on Instagram about Bible reading:

"This means taking in his words at a more reflective and enjoyable (you might even say 'leisurely') pace - rather than rushing through to cover as much ground as possible. I remind myself that the goal is to find food for my soul . . . not check reading plan boxes and just avail my mind of additional biblical data. Call it 'eating-mindfully' . . . whatever you call it, finding a slower pace goes hand in hand with faithfully gathering a day's portion." -David Mathis, (Desiring God, 9-2-18)

This reminded me of the Israelites that were to only gather one day's portion of manna as they were wandering in the desert. In the book of Deuteronomy, Moses explains that the reason for the manna and its portion restrictions, were to teach God's people to know that man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. (Duet. 8:3)

Like the Israelites, I need a daily portion and I need it to LIVE. What kind of portion am I surviving on?

Living on this side of the cross and at this point in HIStory, we have the Word of God conveniently wrapped and packaged for us in all kinds of ways. However, with all its ease and accessibility, I take it for granted and still not "eat" it wisely. I believe we still need to read the labels, do some research and make sure we are getting quality stuff when we study God's Word. 

Just because the packaging is pretty or the "Christian" you know on Facebook has given her endorsement, it may not be solid in it's theology. Anything out there professing to be Godly needs to measured against the Word of God itself - we can't settle for anything else. 

AND - confession time- I need to make sure when I am taking in God's Word that I am studying it on a level that will challenge me. I need to be chewing on a passage that is hard for me to understand or difficult for me to apply. I need this solid food to grow. 

Didn't Paul write about believers needing more than milk? I like milk. I am used to milk. It's a comfort food for me and makes me feel good - especially with hot, fresh from the oven chocolate-chip cookies! 

The question for me is how am I approaching God's Word? Is my Bible reading only motivated by my desire to scratch something else off my to-do list? Am I only reading it to prep for Bible study I am teaching? Or am I reading it, searching in it, for what it is that God wants to speak to my soul today?

Not having that kind of Bible reading experience you want? Join me in my prayer that God will open our eyes to see and consume His Word the way He intends for us. I believe His Word in John where He tells us we don't have because we don't ask AND that if we seek Him we will find Him. 

Why do I believe these things? I read it -over and over again - in His Word until it finally sinks in and I am able to digest in a way that continues to do my heart good . . . 

Besides if I am going to use so much brain power and time focused on the physical food I am putting into my physical body, I think it is time to devote some additional brain power and time to focus on what I am feeding my soul. How about you?

"A Million Little Decisions"

Looking back, of course I was standing in the buffet line, loading my plate with casseroles and desserts, when she asked me how my husband felt about the baby. She said, "He must be so excited!" I looked at her more than a little confused. My "baby" was four. Whose baby had she seen Wally with? From my reaction, she quickly covered her mistake with the statement, "I don't know where I heard you were expecting."

I still didn't get it.

At the time, I believed that she had heard a rumor somewhere and not that she assumed from my weight that I as pregnant.

At the time, I was pretty ignorant. Sure, I knew my body shape had changed and that the scales were reading heavier than they ever had, BUT, I had a whole list of excuses:
 -My body had simply changed after birthing three children.
-"They" weren't making clothes true to size anymore.
-Weight gain is a common side effect of my medication.
-It's hormonal.
-My bathroom scale is inaccurate.

At this time, I can look back at this list and see the absurdity in it. There is enough truth to them that the lies of each were easy to believe. The weight gain hadn't happened over night and neither had my disconnect with my self-image. In my head, I thought looked one way, but the reality was different.

I was beginning to not like how I looked in ANY picture and I found myself trying to avoid being photographed. My favorite jeans were no longer comfortable. I didn't like how I looked in anything I tried on in dressing room and I would refuse to try on anything above a "certain" number.

In my ignorance I assumed that my health issues were unrelated, but when my cardiologist explained that I would need to remain on my beta-blocker for, well, perhaps for the rest of my life, I had to ask him what I could do to not need that drug.  After all, at not quite 42 and in overall good health, this seemed a bit drastic. He was kind. He never said I was overweight. He didn't put me on a diet or give me brochures about cholesterol. He did point out that losing some weight would give my heart a break and then -maybe, I wouldn't need the prescription.

As we left the office all the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place - the lady at the buffet, the tight jeans, the way I looked in the family Easter portrait. The truth of the doctor's words slowly exposed the reasons I had used to be the excuses they were.

I needed to lose weight.

I needed to lose it the right way for the right reasons in the right timing.

I didn't want to send the wrong message to my impressionable daughters. I didn't want my expectations to be unrealistic. I didn't want to obsess over a number on the scale.

Prayerfully, God led me to examine and evaluate little decisions each and every day.

His Word tells me not to worry about tomorrow, but to focus on the gift of THIS day. I don't know what will happen in the next 24 hours, nor can I change what happened in the last 24 - but I can take each day, each decision as it comes.

His Word promises that the Holy Spirt will strengthen and guide me and provide a way to stand up under temptation.

So, through His help and over the last  5 months, I have drastically cut carbs and soda. I have made moderate exercise a priority and just tried to be intentional about what I eat, when I eat and how I eat. By His grace, I have lost some weight, my clothes fit better and people have noticed.

I have prayed about writing about this on here because I have not wanted to draw attention to this part of my journey, but God has definitely used it to speak truth to me in some ways I think He is wanting me to share -

Like my weight gain, sin creeps up on us all. It doesn't hit us all at once but begins to take its toll on our lives and well-being. We can make excuses and sweep it under the rug until one day we don't like what we see when we look in the mirror. We don't know how we got that way or what we really need to do about it - until we are confronted with the truth.

My Dr. Myers plainly presented me with the truth. His role in this is similar to the Holy Spirit's. To be honest the self-evaluation that follows is hard. None of us want to accept that kind of truth, taking ownership of how we've fallen and seeing what we've become.

While God's forgiveness is complete with our sincere repentance, the journey back to a healthy relationship with Him is often hard and time consuming. It is made up of lots and lots of small decisions each and every day - to pray or not, to read His Word or not, to obey in this situation or not, to respond in a Christ-honoring way or not, to consume this media, to spend this time on tech, to look for Him, to let Him be Lord . . .

When the effort is made, when we are faithful in the small things over time, the old, sinful self melts away and the hearts of flesh He is creating in us beats ever stronger. His presence in our lives is more intimately felt as we grow as His disciples.

The small things are important. Each decision we make either draws us closer or pulls us away from where we need to be. Are we losing ground? Are we gaining weight? Are we shedding sin? Are we building spiritual muscle?

This is how we "do" life with Him. This is how we abide. It's in the "million little decisions" we make each day. All those little things slowly and surely add up to big differences - a life of faith lived out in real ways.

My prayer is that we will train and run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Disney Cast Members In Real Life

She was 20 years and from New Zealand. I asked her how her parents felt about her being so far away and she kinda laughed. "Well, they were concerned about the hurricane. I didn't even know about the hurricane!"

My new friend, Christyana, was managing the Fast Pass Kiosk of the Frozen Sing-a-Long Show at Disney's Hollywood Studios.

We were there early for the 7:30 show, the last show of the day, and I began our short conversation by commenting on her accent.

The Disney Parks are staffed by countless people varying in ages and backgrounds from literally all around the globe. They are all called "Cast Members" whether they dress up as a mouse or clean the bathrooms. Their name tags are a simple oval shape with their name and hometown. And they are literally EVERYWHERE.

Disney is known for their immaculately clean parks and excellent customer service - all accomplished by Cast Members.

As a guest in the park it would be extremely easy to take these people and their jobs for granted. They are rushed by, overlooked and often ignored. They deal with grumpy, sweaty, people who often feel entitled because of the price they may have paid for admittance. Yet, they ALL seem to smile and speak in pleasant tones even when explaining why your child cannot climb on the landscaping.

In the last year, we had a good friend spend not one but two semesters working a ride in Pandora of the Animal Kingdom Park. Cast Members took on a new meaning to us as we visited Walt Disney World over fall break. We had listened to her stories and had asked her a bazillion questions, learning how often Cast Members just longed to be acknowledged as people too.

While on past trips we had always tried to be nice to Cast Members, this trip we were intentional to look Cast Members in the eyes, to say a genuine "thank you" and, when we could, strike up a conversation. . .

That's how I met Christyana. She wasn't just a show kiosk attendant. She IS a person with a background and a story and a soul. She is one of nearly 60,000 that may work there during a peak season.

But there is only one Christyana. God made her, loves her, sent His Son to die for her and wants a relationship with her - just like every other Cast Member - and every other "incidental" person that I share the road with, stand in line at the grocery with and sit with in the dentist's waiting room.

Knowing in my heart that God is sovereign and that nothing happens accidentally, my intentionality at Disney NEEDS to carry over to my everyday life here at home too.

I often tell the teens in my Sunday school class that it isn't accidental that they sit where they do in their classes. Even if their teacher allowed them to choose their seat, God put them there with those kids and that teacher for His purpose.

If I hold to His control over ever incident and nothing is coincidental, then that truth carries over in other places too.  

The chances I will ever see or speak to Christyana again aren't great. I didn't speak to her about Jesus. I know nothing about her faith - but I do know about mine.

My faith doesn't allow me to blow past and not engage those around me and it compels me to speak up, reaching out to acknowledge the humanity and Imago Dei, the image of God, He intentionally placed in us all.

My prayer is that as I do engage people in conversation that the Holy Spirit will move and speak and use these encounters to draw others to Himself.

My calling is to be obedient to that compulsion, trusting that God knows the heart and the past of the individual I am engaged with and that He will take care of all the rest - whatever it needs to be. I just need to see others the way He does and obey.

My husband, Wally, and I have said since our first joint visit to Disney World ten years ago that when we "retired" we would move to Orlando and get jobs as Cast Members. Loving the discount and being assured that our girls would bring their families to visit were two of the perks we listed as reasons for this plan. Another reason would be to set up an intentional ministry to Cast Members. Maybe they would come from all over the globe thinking that they were coming to work at "The Happiest Place on Earth," but maybe, God in His sovereignty would have them coming there to meet Him. Maybe God would use us to reach them.

Maybe there are Cast Members here in our every day life that God wants to reach through us now.

Lord, open my eyes to see the people "in the background" of my life. Help me to see them the way that you do. Find me obedient to the prompting of Your Spirt and use me however You will to do whatever You would have me to do. 

Thoughts and Feelings

I got off the phone and could feel the lump in my throat rising. The hot tears began to sting my eyes. I did not want to cry.

My head knew that God was in control, He would provide and His timing was always perfect. But my tears revealed the reality of what had happened in my heart.

I had slowly but ever-so-surely in my inmost being taken back control of what I would have professed with my mouth that I had given to God, claimed was His and thought I had entrusted to Him.

In the grand scheme of life, the situation was far from life-threatening or even life-altering, but the tears that spilled down my cheeks and my cracking voice revealed so much more. Their presence revealed my true lack of faith and how I had begun trusting in my own abilities at some point. At some point my sinful pride had entered into the equation and the unexpected phone call was God's gracious way of waking me up to its presence.

He could have allowed me to go on that way - thinking that I had everything under control and I was handling things oh-so-well and I was providing. But He didn't. He intervened. He exposed my sin.

The exposure was private. He didn't want to shame me publicly. He DID want to wake me to the unintentional place I was in. He loves like that - not wanting me to remain in the darkness but to use the light to show me where He is working. (Had I proceeded in the way I was and not acknowledged my sin, HIs next "wake-up call" to me may have been more public. He loves me THAT much. He will do the hard things.)

That day my tears of frustration melted into tears of embarrassment and then tears of confession.

Unknowingly, I had accepted and adopted these sinful tendencies. My mind still knew all the "right" words and thoughts, but my heart was far from actually believing and walking in them. My emotions that Friday afternoon were the barometer that God used to show me how far my heart had wandered from what I thought . . .

His restoration was sweet and His reconciliation to Himself was simply good.

In the days that followed, I was able to rest. He gently told my soul, "This is mine. I have always had it. I will take care of it."  I was able to leave it in His more-than-capable hands. He continued to be faithful. I turned my attention to my family. He blessed our time together and allowed me to go through the week without worry.

It's been two weeks today since I got that phone call. This issue is not resolved, but He is providing. My prayer life and my perspective are changed. My faith is growing. He is more than sufficient. And I am learning even more about abiding in Him . . .